Experiencing Sour Marriage
Marriage is the second best relationship on this earth after blood relations. Love, understanding, care, respect and good communication are the core elements of every relationship. But marriage needs a little more effort and patience.
When entering into this union both spouses promise to conceive a dreamland. A place where there isn’t space for purposely being unpleasant. With the passage of time and multiplication of family responsibilities, the real test starts. The ones who shoulder each other through thick and thin sail along, strengthening their relationship with each passing day.
On the contrary when you get selfish and only start thinking about yourself, about your own rights, and your own comforts… all the other good feelings fade away creating, well… a sour marriage. Realize that the institution of marriage is about creating healthy relationships, not bitter ones.
If you start to sense that your relationship is headed south, sit for a moment and think. You will find where it went wrong and which factors contributed to the unpleasant situation. Though the situation can differ from case-to-case here are a few common reasons.
Subdue your Ego
We are humans and differences of opinion are natural. Always wanting to be right and holding an authoritative attitude creates tension in the relationship. Sometimes even though you realize your mistake, ego intervenes and plays a major role and you don’t want to feel sorry. This insensitive behavior ends up creating bitter and frustrated relationships.
Lack of communication
Lack of communication is the result of an inflated ego. You don’t want to talk about a problem for fear of rejection. Your spouse cannot articulate their emotions because they are afraid of the reactions and opt to talk later, but often ‘later’ is already too late.
Gradually non-communication becomes a habit. While the bond of all companionship—whether marriage or friendship—is communication, a wall of silence between partners can destroy that bond and lead you to to that same, “sour marriage.”
Criticizing your spouse
Criticism of your spouse for every tiny wrongdoing also spoils the relationship. No one is perfect. Finding faults in your spouse only pushes him/her to be more distant. Eventually this leads to a colder relationship and an avoidance of the sharing of responsibilities (so as to avoid your criticism).
Unforgiving attitude towards spouse
When we feel that our spouse has hurt us and we refuse to forgive, we will look for ways to protect ourselves from being hurt again in the future. We ignore the presence and the importance of our spouse.
Closing off our heart from our spouse is an easy way to do this, but it has deadly consequences—well, deadly to the marriage as least. Unforgiving attitudes create emotional and physical distance between the spouses which results in the creation of misfiring marriage.
Tips to save a sour marriage
Because we already know what hurts the most, try a few of these tips to turn sourness into sweetness:
1. Shun your ego. Be polite and humble in your behavior. It will help your partner to open up his/her heart.
2. Out of your busy schedule, take time for a meaningful conversation to give a voice to both of your feelings. Share positive aspects of your lives and communicate on a level that energizes each other.
3. Apply touch therapy. A loving hug can make up for the harshest words. Young couples forget both the hugs and the apologies.
4. Praise the slightest effort of your spouse instead of criticizing. It will energize the relationship even further.
5. Apologize but only if you mean it. Too many people say sorry but go on repeating the same mistake.
6. Trust your partner. Don’t play the ugly spy game.
7. It takes years to build a relationship. So be patient and compromise with the situation. Compromising doesn’t mean that you are wrong and someone is right. It only means that you value your relationship more than your ego.
If you really want your marriage to be sweet (because really, who wants a sour marriage?), never postpone an initiative to mend the fence – otherwise it may be too late to repair.